Your Hostess Hates You Because... You Didn't Count Your Kids

There are people who would rather eat with a baby on their lap than wait a long time to be seated. Maybe some of these people assume we don't count small children because (a) they don't eat from the restaurant's menu (b) they're just really small they're almost microscopically invisible!

For whatever reason, I've seen a lot of people walk into my restaurant and say a party of 2 people and have a baby on their hip or have a dozen strollers.

- Okay, I'm exaggerating, but yes, kids are people too!

Scenario:

A couple walks in the restaurant to make a reservation, but they have a little secret-literally.

Storyline:

Hostess: Hello there, Welcome to This Restaurant!

Woman: Hello, we're a party of two people

Hostess: No problem and would you prefer inside or outside?

Woman & Man: Definitely inside! :D

Hostess: No problem, I'll have you seated in about 5 minutes, may I have your name?

Woman: It’s going to be Jill

Hostess: Thank you Jill, we’re going to call your name ok?

Jill: No worries, we’ll be waiting nearby

Hostess 2: Jill, Party of Two? Jill?

Jill: That’s us!

Hostess 2: *Spots stroller*­–Is is just going to be you and the baby?

Jill: No, it’s me and my husband and the baby

Hostess 2: *Looks at table*

Hostess 2: Jill, I’m sorry but you have to count the kids in the party–

Jill: But she’s not eating…

Hostess 2: You’re gonna have to wait for the next available table for three because you have to count your kids

Jill: So you count everyone?

Hostess 2: Yes, we count everyone

Jill: But she’s not eating I don’t understand what the problem is

Hostess 2: We have to make space for everyone

Jill: OK, well how long is this gonna take?

Hostess 2: Let’s go ask the hostess up front how long it would be...

This Is Why Your Hostess Hates You:

You have to count the kids! In the restaurant business, it’s all about maximizing profit, minimizing expense. Kids who don’t eat from the menu are technically an expense because they aren’t eating from the menu but they are taking up a seat. Aside from the business aspect of things, the moral part–Kids are people too! Don’t they have beating hearts and bleeding veins? Don’t they have feelings like us adults do? Then why don’t they matter enough to be counted as a part of the party. There are people who’d rather suggest that their stroller or a high chair is more of a human being then their actual child. Just count the kids ok?

Signed,

The [UN]Happy Hostess