Your Hostess Hates You Because... You Didn't Count Your Kids

There are people who would rather eat with a baby on their lap than wait a long time to be seated. Maybe some of these people assume we don't count small children because (a) they don't eat from the restaurant's menu (b) they're just really small they're almost microscopically invisible!

For whatever reason, I've seen a lot of people walk into my restaurant and say a party of 2 people and have a baby on their hip or have a dozen strollers.

- Okay, I'm exaggerating, but yes, kids are people too!

Scenario:

A couple walks in the restaurant to make a reservation, but they have a little secret-literally.

Storyline:

Hostess: Hello there, Welcome to This Restaurant!

Woman: Hello, we're a party of two people

Hostess: No problem and would you prefer inside or outside?

Woman & Man: Definitely inside! :D

Hostess: No problem, I'll have you seated in about 5 minutes, may I have your name?

Woman: It’s going to be Jill

Hostess: Thank you Jill, we’re going to call your name ok?

Jill: No worries, we’ll be waiting nearby

Hostess 2: Jill, Party of Two? Jill?

Jill: That’s us!

Hostess 2: *Spots stroller*­–Is is just going to be you and the baby?

Jill: No, it’s me and my husband and the baby

Hostess 2: *Looks at table*

Hostess 2: Jill, I’m sorry but you have to count the kids in the party–

Jill: But she’s not eating…

Hostess 2: You’re gonna have to wait for the next available table for three because you have to count your kids

Jill: So you count everyone?

Hostess 2: Yes, we count everyone

Jill: But she’s not eating I don’t understand what the problem is

Hostess 2: We have to make space for everyone

Jill: OK, well how long is this gonna take?

Hostess 2: Let’s go ask the hostess up front how long it would be...

This Is Why Your Hostess Hates You:

You have to count the kids! In the restaurant business, it’s all about maximizing profit, minimizing expense. Kids who don’t eat from the menu are technically an expense because they aren’t eating from the menu but they are taking up a seat. Aside from the business aspect of things, the moral part–Kids are people too! Don’t they have beating hearts and bleeding veins? Don’t they have feelings like us adults do? Then why don’t they matter enough to be counted as a part of the party. There are people who’d rather suggest that their stroller or a high chair is more of a human being then their actual child. Just count the kids ok?

Signed,

The [UN]Happy Hostess

Your Hostess Hates You Because... You Didn't Say What You Wanted

Everyone has that one friend who has an excuse for absolutely everything. 'I was late to dinner the other night because my cat got sick'.. 'I couldn't come to the movies with you guys because my mom wouldn't let me take the car'... 'I was going to clean the house today but I didn't want to miss Catfish'

The hostess experiences nothing different. There are people who come to our restaurants and complain about their tables when they never told us what they wanted in the beginning.

Scenario:
A couple walks in the restaurant, lovestruck, walk in the restaurant to get a table.

Storyline:

*The couple walks up to the hostess stand*

Hostess: Hello! Welcome to This Restaurant! How many are you tonight?

Girl: *giggly, staring deep into her boyfriend's eyes* - Party of two

Hostess: Okay and is that going to be inside or outside

Girl: *Finally looks at the hostess* - Whatever, we don't care, whatever's fastest

Hostess: No problem, we'll have your table in 5 minutes, may I get your name?

Girl: You can put it under Michael.

Hostess: Michael it is, you're all set, we'll call your name.

Hostess 2: Michael, Party of Two? Michael

*The couple slowly makes their way over to the hostess*

Hostess 2: Hello guys, you can follow me!

*The couple follows the hostess and arrive to their table*

Girl: *Looks around* - Is there another table we could sit at?

Hostess 2: What would you prefer?

Girl: I don't know another table-

Michael: Yeah like a booth or something.

Hostess 2: You want a booth? Let me go find out what's available

Michael: Yeah because we asked her for a booth..

*They arrive back to the front*

Hostess 2: Do we have any booths available?

Hostess: Not right now, it's gonna be about 10 to 15 minutes, I have a lot of people waiting for booths

Girl: Well how come we can't just sit at that booth over there, it's not taken.

Hostess: Because we have people who specifically requests booths and wait longer specifically to sit in one

Michael: But we requested a booth I don't understand why we didn't get one.

Hostess: I'm sorry but you guys said, whatever's the fastest when you made your reservation-

Michael: This is nuts, let me speak to a manager... I specifically requested to sit in a booth I didn't say whatever's fastest....

*Manager arrives*

Manager: How may I help you guys?

Michael: This girl just told us we have to wait 10 to 15 more minutes for a booth when there's an empty booth right over there and we specifically requested a booth.

Manager: I'm so sorry to hear that, I'll take you right over.

Hostess: But what about my 4 top that was going there already!

*Manager walks guests over to the table and seats them*

This Is Why Your Hostess Hates You:

When people come into a restaurant that has a wait, they tend to think that if they ask for what they want, it would be a longer wait. There are actually people in this world who would rather wait 5 minutes for a table they don't like than wait 15-20 minutes for what they'd actually prefer thinking that once they're in, they can change the table to whatever they want. I feel as if, if I'm going to wait, I'll wait for a table I'd actually want to stay and eat at. Moral of the story is, if you want something in particular, as ar as the tables go-whether you need a highchair or you're not able to sit a booth because you have a disabled person with you-let the hostess know and remember, she can't read your mind.

Signed,

The [UN]Happy Hostess

Your Hostess Hates You Because... You're Preoccupied with Your iPhone

Don't you think it's awfully rude of someone to take a personal phone call in the middle of your stimulating conversation?

Your hostess does.

It's just a matter of respect to look someone in the eyes while you're talking to them. Even if it's just for a minute, always look your hostess in the eye when you're talking to her.

Scenario:
A party of 5 people walk in the restaurant and one person steps to the hostess to ask for a table, her name is Josie and she's on her cell phone.

Storyline:
Hostess: 'Hi there! Welcome to This Restaurant at This Mall, how may I help you today?
Josie: *On cell phone* We're going to be 5 people, and you can put it under Josie *Talks on phone*, yeah.... Uh hunh... Yeah...
Hostess: Would you like that inside or would you prefer our covered patio?
Josie: .... I'm sorry?
Hostess: I said would you prefer inside or-
Josie: Inside... Yeah, what? No...

Hostess: No problem, give me about 15-20 minutes and we should have your table. *Hands Josie the pager* This'll buzz when we're about ready to call you and doesn't work inside the mall.
Josie: Thank you *Walks into the mall with friends in tow* - Uh-huh, yeah, no, no, no.

*30 minutes later*

Josie: *Phone surgically removed from ear* Hi, we were a party of 5 and we were just wondering if our name had been called already?

Hostess: *Checks computer, although already knowing who Josie is* - Yes, Josie party of 5 we'd called your name about 10 minutes ago.

Josie: What?! That's impossible, we were waiting just outside in the mall! You said it would buzz and it never buzzed!

Hostess: I'm sorry Josie but I told you that the pagers do not work in the mall when you put your name in.

Josie: You didn't say that.....

Hostess: *shrugs*

Josie: Well, what happen to my table?

Hostess: I had to give it to the next party of 5 because you didn't show up. But I'll make sure you get the next available table for 5.

Josie: How long will that be?

Hostess: about 10 to 15 minutes.

Josie: What?! You did not tell me the pagers don't work in the mall! This is ridiculous and I would like to speak with your manager because I've already waited 30 minutes and you told me 10 minutes and refuse to wait almost an hour for the next table, I just simply refuse!

*Manager comes over*

Manager: What seems to be the problem?

Josie: I've just had the rudest service I've ever had, this lady just told me I have to wait another 10 to 15 minutes for my table after I'd been waiting 30 minutes already for it and on top of all of this, she'd told me the wait was going to be 10 minutes.

Manager: That's terrible, I'll just check what I have available in the restaurant right now, how many people do you have?

Josie: I have 5 people, this is just simply ridiculous.

*2 minutes later*

Hostess 2: Josie, Party of 5? Josie?

Josie: *Texting, phone in hand*

Hostess 2: *Louder this time* Josie! Party of 5! Josie!

Josie: *Still texting* - Oh! That's me, that's us, that's us *Walks up to hostess* - Okay, we're here, where's our table?

Hostess 2: You can follow me right this way.

Josie: (To friends) *Face in phone while following hostess through restaurant* We should totally get a free meal for this horrible service we've received... People are soooo rude here I can't believe it.

This Is Why Your Hostess Hates You:

When you're speaking with someone, especially as far as preferences of your table and inquiring a wait time, you should give them your full undivided attention. I can't count how many people have approached my hostess desk with their iPhone attached to their ear for whatever reason, giving me hand gestures to answer my questions as if I'm not important enough to be spoken too. I also can't count how many people had to come back to the hostess desk to ask how long is the wait time because they were too busy, like Josie, to take the phone away from their face for 1 minute. I've even witnessed a couple people who didn't get the table they preferred because they were too busy on the phone to say 'May I get a booth'. Bottom line: PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR HOST and you won't end up like Josie.

Signed,
The [UN]Happy Hostess