Your Hostess Hates You Because... You Didn't Tell Her What You Wanted.

When you walk into a beautiful restaurant, for those of us who go for scenery, you expect to be seated at the most beautiful table in the beautiful restaurant. But does the hostess know that? As a hostess, our jobs are to make sure you have everything you need to enjoy your meal; menus, enough room for your whole party, any special kids menus/dietary menus and most important of all: a table you actually want to sit at

Scenario:
You walk into 'This Restaurant' and suddenly the aroma of food draws you closer as you float towards the hostess stand. Party in tow, you're ready for a beautiful table and tasty food. The restaurant is buzzing with the 7 pm rush but you're willing to wait.

Storyline:
Hostess 1: Hello guys, welcome to 'This Restaurant' what can I do for you folks tonight?
Family: We would like a table for 4 please.
Hostess 1: To dine inside or outside in the covered patio?
Family: Inside please

Hostess: No problem at all, I'll have you seated in the next 15 minutes OK?

Family: Sounds good to me!

Hostess 2: Family, party of 4? Family?

Family: That'll be us

Hostess 2: Great, follow me this way

Family: *Grimacing at sight of table*

Hostess 2: Here we are guys!

Family: I see you guys are kind of busy but can I trouble you for a booth maybe?

Hostess 2: No problem, let me check with the hostess up front

*Hostess 2 returns*

Hostess 2: No problem, I have a booth for you right over here.

Family: *Grimacing again* Can we have that free booth by the window?

Hostess 2: Sorry, it's taken by another party who requested to sit in a booth.

Family: I've been waiting before them, and now I'm requesting to sit in a booth and you're telling me I can't?

....

This Is Why Your Hostess Hates You:

You can't walk in a restaurant and expect to be seated at the exact table that you want because the hostess can't read your mind, unfortunately. Everything just goes better if you tell your hostess what you want in the beginning. If you want a booth by the window or a regular table that's in a quiet place, no problem, say that! My motto is, if you can't tell me where you want to sit, you deserve to sit at a table you don't like. To wrap this up, always tell your hostess exactly what you want and there won't be any drama later.

Your Hostess Hates You Because... You Sat Yourself

When you invite someone over to your home, you expect them to be comfortable but as a guest in your home, they should allow you to be hospitable.

That's sort of how a restaurant works, we welcome every guest, but please, allow me to get the door for you, allow me to set you and your party up with the perfect table.

Scenario:
The 'This Restaurant' has just opened for the day and there are only a few sections available for service, a guest walks in through one of the alternate entrances/exits and seats themselves with 3 other people.

Storyline:
Hostess 2: Is Table 84 open?
Hostess 1: No, why?
Hostess 2: Because there's like 4 people sitting there, they don't have menus or anything

Hostess 1's face

Hostess 1: You have to get them up or go tell them something.
Hostess 2: *walks over to the table* Hi, did you guys seat yourselves?
Guest 1: Yeah, we've been here for about 20 minutes and haven't seen a waiter at all
Hostess 2: I'm very sorry about that but the only reason why you haven't been waited on is because this section is closed
Guest 1: So you're telling me all these people walked passed us and didn't tell us we're sitting in a closed section?
Hostess 2: I'm very sorry about this, I can move you to a section that's open and get you some menus so you can get started.
Guest 1: No, we're not moving anywhere, we'd like to stay here.
Hostess 2: No problem....

This Is Why Your Hostess Hates You:
When a restaurant has just opened, you can't expect for every section to be open unless it's a very small mom-and-pop restaurant or if it's a buffet. When you're eating at a full service restaurant, you must wait to be seated and they do this for a reason; the servers will make more money and the flow of the restaurant is organized. Each party that waits to be seated is spread out amongst multiple servers and people get to sit where they want to sit-if you wait to be seated that is. In this story, our 'self-seaters' just happened to sit in a closed section and refused to move to a serviced section, this means that a server who 's probably already handling 4 tables, has to take on 5 tables or there is a server who has to be called in earlier. Your hostess won't hate you if you don't treat her like decoration.

Signed,
The [UN]Happy Hostess

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16 Types of Restaurant Guests

1.      Couples:

a.       These are the parties of two who usually come in very early or very late to a restaurant to dine in. We see them coming usually because they're holding hands or are two bodies conjoined to one because that's how close they are to each other. The couples usually want booths or outside tables that are spacious-so that they can sit next to each other or have a private intimate dinner. Sometimes these guests are so wrapped up in each other; they forget the waiter (ess) even exists. They don't usually stay very long and don't too much bother the hostess-unless of course, they forgot to say they wanted a booth.

2.      Foreigners:

a.       We see them coming from miles away! - They've brought the whole hotel room, they have walkie-talkies and very ugly sandals! - Foreigners can be from parties of 2 up to 8 people who travel mostly together to eat at a restaurant. They prefer whatever table you can give them the fastest because they just want to get their food and leave. The usually come in for the lunch rush (12-2pm) or the dinner rush (5-8pm). They speak very loudly in their foreign language and can sometimes come off as rude but are simply just asking questions. You may see them taking a bunch of pictures and you'll have to make sure you make room for the luggage and their kids because of course, they don't.

3.      Regulars:

a.       Oh how restaurants love regulars. Whether they're really big tippers or just simply have lovable attitudes, regulars always seem to brighten our day. These are the guests that come to the restaurant either on a daily visit or just a regular basis. They usually want the same type of table and may even order the same type of food and leave the same amount of tips. We always remember them and sometimes we expect them to come in so we might save them a table. They're also not usually bigger than a party of 4-5 people.

4.      Needy People:

a.       These are the people that are constantly bugging the hostess. The needy people are the people who hate to wait and love to rush people. They always have an excuse of why they want something in particular whether it is a booth or what have you but they always want something. Guests who typically are needy are older guests and families with small children. Some needy guests don't even know what they want; they just know they want it.

5.      Arrogant Thousandaires:

a.       These are the young, semi-young people that walk into a restaurant and treat everyone like crap simply because they have a couple thousand bucks in their bank account. They're rude to everyone simply because they feel as if, if 'I'm spending money here, everyone has to do what I say' and they have the 'So what, that's what she gets paid to do' mentality which always sucks if you ask me. They usually want booths, usually don't tip much and walk around like they have a chip on their shoulder. Some of them would even walk up to the hostess desk offering money to get a table faster than everyone else. The arrogant thousandaires can range from party sizes of 2-10 and are usually very jerky.

6.      Booth Families:

a.       Families of 4-6 that come to the restaurants to sit in your booths! For some reason, mother's feel like they have more control over the children in the booth. Sometimes it's just mother's demanding a booth when they get to a regular table they don't like or it's a family of 4 who have small children and really don't want their kids roaming around the restaurant. They are usually very cranky–kids and adults alike–so beware of the wrath of the uneasy booth family. They usually come in for the lunch rush; rarely will you see them at the dinner rush.

7.      Shoppers:

a.       The women who have so many bags that they should’ve been included in the party count. They are usually pretty young and carry about 5 bags in each hand making it physically impossible to seat guests at the table next to them without someone asking: ‘Can we sit somewhere else? Those ladies have so many bags, it’s impossible to sit here.’ The shoppers can come in at anytime and are usually parties of 2-4 people.

8.      Small Eaters:

a.       The people that eat maybe an appetizer and dessert and then split. Usually a party of two people who only come in because they had a certain craving for Buffalo wings or tapas. They would probably show up during or shortly after the dinner rush and before the lunch rush–if the wait is long they may not stay.

9.      Big Eaters:

a.       These are the people who order miles and miles of food but are only a party of two. Some people think that they are just people who eat with their eyes and will eventually stop ordering–but it never happens. They would probably sit at a table and run up an $80 tab between the two of them ordering small plates and desserts.

10.  Campers:

a.       These are the people that treat their dining experiences like part-time jobs. They come in at the lunch rush and probably won’t leave until about 4 o’clock. Waiters (esses) hate them because they sit and talk and order about $37 of food and drinks. They are usually parties of 2 or a party of 6–most of the time they are foreigners who on top of the fact that they camped out, won’t tip very well.

11.  Ghosts:

a.       These are the people who’ve just put their name on the waiting list, had been told about 5 minutes waiting time and disappear when their name is called. It’s so weird it’s almost as if they were never there! But only the filler for sure knows that they’re there.

12.  Way Too Nice:

a.       That party of two people who were so nice that you soon forget about them because of all the rude people who’ve screamed at you that came after them. They don’t get angry when you forget them and are usually parties of 2-4 who can easily be reseated if need be. It’s almost as if God sent them to remind you that there are 10 nice people for every one rude person.

13.  Way Too Rude:

a.       The people who expect to be pampered and primped when they come to a restaurant instead of waiting to be serviced. They skip people in the line waiting to put their name in, they give the hostess a very hard time about their table and did I mention they dock the servers tip every time they don’t get ‘quality service’?

14.  Elderly Folks:

a.       The older people who come in groups of 2-4 sometimes 6 to dine in the restaurant. They always use the excuse that they are old and cannot wait very long. Not every restaurant has priority over older people–we love old people, don’t get it wrong, we just want to be fair. They can sometimes be very sweet, cute and funny or mean, grouchy and just plain cranky.

15.  Large Groups:

a.       Large groups are going to come to any restaurant that exists: Taco Bell, Pollo Tropical–anywhere. If they are any combination of the groups mentioned earlier, they will be very impatient and will want you to skip everyone to make sure they have a table. Not all large parties are rude or impatient though–some of them are actually pretty nice which will encourage the hostess to not only get your table in a timely fashion but to also make sure this table is the best table for your party. I’ve seen a lot of big parties but haven’t seen it be more than 25 people and this usually means you would have to split up depending on what kind of restaurant it is.

16.  The Gravitators

a.       These are the guests at a restaurant who move from table to table because they aren’t’ very sure what they want. They’ll get one table outside and order drinks and decide they’d like to sit inside. They move inside to a regular table and decide this is not good enough and would like to sit in a booth. They get the booth but it’s a little too cold there and they would like to move back outside. They get back outside and get a table they don’t quite. They move themselves to a dirty table and get angry when a server doesn’t check on them so they move back inside to a regular clean table. The gravitators are usually parties of one or two who really have no idea what they want. They are also usually young people or foreigners.